There appears to be no restrict to how far Israel can go in its genocide on Gaza – INA NEWS

We, the folks of Gaza, have been repeatedly threatened. We now have been threatened with being “cleaned out”, with mass dying, with “all hell breaking free” on us.

The factor is, we have now already been by way of hell. I, like two million different Palestinians in Gaza, survived the genocidal inferno from October 7, 2023 to January 19, 2025.

If I’ve to be sincere, I didn’t survive by hanging on to life. No, I survived by dropping the “f” in life and holding on to “lie”.

The extra I lied to myself, the extra I sustained my fragile existence.

I nonetheless bear in mind the primary lie I advised myself. It was lengthy earlier than the genocide.

I bear in mind telling myself after the 2008-09 Israeli aggression in opposition to Gaza that I might by no means witness one thing like that battle ever once more. It was a naive little lie. I witnessed battle once more in 2012, and once more in 2014, and once more in 2021, and but once more in Could 2023.

On the night of October 7, 2023, I hugged my mom when she burst out crying as Israeli fighter jets indiscriminately pounded the entire of Gaza.

I selected to inform her and myself the reality: that this was going to be the ultimate episode of our depressing lives. I felt we had been going to die a technique or one other in what was to observe. She felt the identical manner; that’s why she was crying.

However how can one exist in complete acceptance of imminent dying? Human beings by nature wish to dwell. So I began mendacity to myself once more.

Quickly after, when Israel bombed the Baptist Hospital on October 17, killing lots of of individuals, I lied. I advised myself the world would stand up for Gaza and the solar wouldn’t shine on Israeli fighter jets bombing Gaza once more. It was a short-lived lie. The Israeli bombardment solely intensified, reaching genocidal charges.

When Israel forcibly displaced me in December of that 12 months, I advised myself that it will be simply a few days and I might return. After I returned in Could 2024, I advised myself that I might not be displaced once more.

After I returned residence after my seventh pressured displacement in September 2024, Israel had sharply restricted help entry into Gaza, and I advised myself the world wouldn’t allow them to starve us. Nevertheless it did. For weeks, my household and I survived on bread, zaatar and some cans of tuna we had saved from our time being displaced in al-Mawasi.

However by far worst lie I advised myself was when section one of many ceasefire took impact. “That is it,” I mentioned to myself. “The army model of the genocide has ended, as a result of what else Israel can do this it hasn’t already completed? We’ve gone by way of all types of torment and horror!”

However deep down I knew I used to be mendacity to myself.

I knew, like so many individuals in Gaza, that it was a matter of when and the way for Israel to renew the genocide.

It wasn’t lengthy earlier than we bought a sign that it was coming. Quickly after the beginning of Ramadan, Israel halted the entry of all help, triggering one other famine. Two weeks later, as a substitute of the decision for suhoor, we had been woke up by the sound of huge bombardment.

Greater than 400 folks, together with at the very least 100 kids, had been massacred in a matter of hours.

So, now the query of when has been answered, however that of how – stays. What number of extra kids will Israel kill to understand its so-called “complete” victory? How lengthy will it take them this time to “end the job”? How a lot horror and distress will we have now to endure? And the way will it finish this time?

Regardless of residing by way of 15 months of Israel’s genocidal battle, I’ve no reply to those questions, as a result of Israel retains stunning me with simply how a lot evil it has in retailer. I imply, is that this it? The ultimate stage of the genocide? Resuming the onslaught whereas blocking all help, and chopping off water and electrical energy? I’m afraid that Israel can nonetheless go additional.

The Israeli authorities says that this spherical of assaults will proceed till it will get their captives again. If that was the case, then what was the ceasefire for? A relaxation for the killers from all of the killing?

In the meantime, the world is as soon as once more issuing empty condemnations and taking no motion. It has failed us so many occasions that I’ve stopped counting. The least it might probably do is to not take our ache and distress without any consideration, as if we’re born into it, as if we’re programmed to endure on a regular basis.

I used to be raised amid wars and I survived 15 months of genocide, and but I’m stunned that I’ve not developed an immunity to concern, given the good quantity of torment I’ve been by way of. I’m nonetheless afraid of what’s to come back.

As I face dying as soon as once more, I wish to be truthful to myself. I wish to say that I deserve a significantly better life than the one Israel has oppressively imposed on me. I deserve a boring, uneventful, safe life, freed from bombs, hunger and unimaginable loss.

I don’t wish to lie any extra, I wish to dwell.

The views expressed on this article are the writer’s personal and don’t essentially replicate Al Jazeera’s editorial stance.