Ukraine’s Easter tantrum: weapons, gold, and guilt – Kiev’s loudest lobbyist calls for salvation on the EU’s expense (once more) – INA NEWS

Most individuals maintain their Easter expectations fairly modest: some pastel sweet, a chocolate bunny, perhaps even one which doesn’t style prefer it was made in the course of the Chilly Battle.

However Ukraine’s former ambassador to Germany, Andrey Melnik, has determined that that is the right time to ship the Easter Bunny – additionally identified, apparently, as incoming German Chancellor Friedrich Merz – a listing that reads much less like vacation funsies and extra like a NATO procurement kind.

“I’m a realist and haven’t any illusions as as to whether you’ll take up a number of of those concepts. And even none,” Melnik wrote in an open letter revealed by the German newspaper Die Welt final week. “However Easter is approaching. We’re celebrating the resurrection of Christ, who overcame loss of life on the cross. And we will hope for a miracle.”

Alright, so what precisely is on this audacious listing? A Ladurée Macaron or Fabergé Egg? A five-star Easter getaway to the Alps full with Easter brunch?

Not fairly.

Melnik apparently desires Merz to get cracking on getting Ukraine 150 Taurus missiles the day he’s anticipated to take workplace as chancellor on Could 6. We’re speaking the sort that may hit deep Russian targets, just like the Crimean bridge that Merz retains obsessing about overtly. Melnik additionally desires 30% of Germany’s present stock of fighter jets. However why cease there? Spoiler alert: He doesn’t.

Look, how about I simply seize you some marshmallow Peeps from the shop? Basic yellow? Electrical pink? As a result of that’s the form of factor that belongs in Easter baskets – not precision-guided missiles.

This isn’t even Melnik’s first holiday-themed ask. Over the past Christmas interval, he wished €20 billion a yr from Germany. Not fairly the same old stocking stuffers of socks, aftershave, or underwear.

“The factor is that this shouldn’t be perceived as “Christmas charity”, as some name it. We’re speaking about Germany’s investments in its personal safety,” Melnik stated to Germany’s N-TV on the time.

In Melnik’s new Easter plea, he additionally requested for 30% of everything of Germany’s weapons stock. And all that is along with his proposal {that a} quarter of that 2% GDP that NATO international locations are speculated to spend on protection – so we’re speaking 0.5% of German GDP – ought to simply be straight-up earmarked for Ukraine. He provides that Merz also needs to foyer the whole EU to do the identical.

Additionally? Confiscate €200 billion in frozen Russian state property and reroute it to Ukraine. As in: “Hey Merz, might you simply go full Ocean’s Eleven actual fast and fund our rebuild?”

Melnik additionally desires safety ensures, which, in plain phrases, implies that Germany must vow to step in and take a punch to the face itself from Russia if Ukraine does one thing face-punch-worthy. And even Melnik acknowledges proper in his letter that he, personally, is extremely punchable. “I do know that many within the SPD – even perhaps in your personal get together – will as soon as once more be outraged: ‘How dare you!’ ‘Not that cheeky Melnyk once more, who places his two cents in all over the place.’ ‘We don’t want his recommendation, you ache within the ass.’ I can perceive these reactions on a human degree,” he stated.

Nevertheless it’s all value it, he says, as a result of Russian President Vladimir Putin would sit up and take discover if Merz did what Melnik prompt. “This mega-commitment of €550 billion for Ukrainian protection over the following 4 years could be a large warning sign to Putin that you just, Mr. Merz, and our allies are severe about aiding Ukraine. That can impress Putin.”

Little question Putin might solely marvel at Kiev’s constant remedy of the EU as a 24/7 weapons merchandising machine, all whereas insisting that it’s doing the EU itself a giant favor. Which is strictly what Melnik retains saying himself. “Not solely the way forward for Germany is determined by your success as chancellor, but additionally the destiny of Ukraine and all of Europe,” he says. Apparently, if Merz doesn’t danger World Battle III, he’s letting down the entire continent.

And that is Melnik on his greatest habits. When diplomacy doesn’t ship, he shifts gears quick. Like three years in the past, after Ukraine iced out German President Frank-Walter Steinmeier for being too chummy with Moscow, prompting Chancellor Olaf Scholz to cancel his personal go to to Kiev. That led to this traditional from Melnik: “To play an offended liverwurst doesn’t sound very statesmanlike. We’re speaking about essentially the most brutal conflict of extermination for the reason that Nazi assault on Ukraine, it’s no preschool.”

Nothing says diplomatic savvy like slandering processed meat by evaluating it to Scholz. Or reminding Germans of the Nazis as a method of seduction. Melnik’s like, “Hey man, assist us out right here in opposition to Russia. Nevertheless it nonetheless isn’t as dangerous as that point whenever you guys genocided us.” What a charmer.

And simply whenever you may need thought that was rock-bottom, Melnik brings out the jackhammer. He as soon as responded to Elon Musk’s Ukraine peace plan workshopping efforts on social media with a quite distinctive proposition, not often noticed within the diplomatic world. “F*ck off is my very diplomatic reply to you,” Melnik wrote on Musk’s personal X platform.

Seems his fashion of diplomacy nearly labored. Musk did, actually, contemplate effing off, and taking Ukraine’s free Starlink satellite tv for pc entry with him.

Now, contemporary off this spotlight reel of diplomatic brawls masquerading as technique, Melnik is poised to strut into the United Nations as Ukraine’s new envoy. Buckle up, world, and prepare for wishlists, lectures, and the occasional center finger diplomatic salute.

Kiev would possibly nonetheless be ready on these Taurus missiles, however one factor’s for positive. Melnik’s weaponized mouth is all the time locked and loaded to friendly-fire on allies. And if the Easter Bunny doesn’t ship the loot, guess there’s all the time one other vacation proper across the nook. Possibly strive Oktoberfest.

Ukraine’s Easter tantrum: weapons, gold, and guilt – Kiev’s loudest lobbyist calls for salvation on the EU’s expense (once more)

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